This is the letter I read at the beginning of my episode. I wrote this letter of the eve of my college graduation. I was asked to give a speech for a celebration of Black Graduates hosted by the Ujima Education Office at Oregon State University. When I sat down to write, I thought I was going to write something to all the people who did not believe in me and all the people who said I could not do it. But all I could think about was my mom. I wrote this letter at that time in hopes that she would read it.
A Letter To Mommy
By Jarvez Hall
Mommy, wow is it really you? I really just do not know what to say. It has been six years but it seems like only yesterday. I really do not even know what to say. I have always wanted to talk with you one last time and I knew if I did, I could never find the words.
I feel so many things swirling around me and everything comes back to you. I wish you were here to give me advice. You know you were always right. I wish you were here to see Tamea, that’s Timmy’s little girl but I’m sure you know that, I know you have been watching. She is soo cute. Bad, but cute. I wish you were here to see Charlotte’s wedding. Yeah she finally did and he is actually a cool dude. Ivory and Chiquita wilded out but I’m sure you knew that was coming.
I think about you everyday and I do things (sometimes unknowingly) to feel close to you. I still sleep on the floor or sitting up at night like I used to do in your room. I still go to the same restaurants you loved. I even order the same things you ordered. I watch all the shows we used to watch together and listen to all the songs we listened to. Sometimes, I talk to you as if you had never went away.
There have been some changes. Holidays have never been the same. For awhile, Charlotte was not the biggest fan of cooking. You remember when we lived on Kirby and it was the first time she made Thanksgiving Dinner? Timmy was doing what he always did, stay over Tina’s family’s house all day and we wouldn’t start until dusk and me, I just stopped caring for awhile. You know we even have fake Christmas trees now? Can you believe it? That part didn’t bother me as much because I loved decorating the tree with you. You would always get one that was too big for the house and we would saw it down for about a week with a Ginsu knife. We’d go to the store and buy tons of fake snow and always end up with a fake snow fight and singing Christmas Carols after we lit the tree. I don’t open a gift on Christmas Eve anymore either. I realized that yesterday made it six years since you passed away.
I remember the last time you were awake and I told you, “I love you” and you said the same with a tear. I hope you heard me the next night as well just before you passed. Mommy I am actually graduating from college tomorrow. Everyone who was in your room on June 10, 1999 will be there, me, Charlotte, Timmy, Bishop and Mother Irving. I am pretty sure Terry is hanging with you right now. I just pray that you will be able to be there too. To see me walk across the stage. Bring Terry and Grandma with you and I pray, for one day, if only for one day, we can be a whole family together again.
I love you Mommy and I miss you
Your son, Jarvez Hall